Are You Bored or Just Craving Creativity?

Do you ever get that feeling where your insides don’t quite match your outsides? Vague, I know. But it should be vague! I can think of roughly 15 different scenarios where that question holds truth. For instance, consider a beautiful sourdough loaf with a perfect, lightly browned crunchy crust. You cut into it, and what do you find? A hollow hole! Or how about that eye-catching book with gold-plated calligraphy and a title that promises to make you the greatest romantasy fan ever, only to discover the actual story takes 350 pages to get started? At this point, you’re left wondering if you have the will to commit any more brain cells to finishing it. And let’s not forget our own bodies—maybe you’re all in on a clean-eating lifestyle, but behind closed doors, those chicky nuggies keep calling your name.

Right now, I’m feeling this dichotomy big time. Today, I felt an urge to “get it moving” in every sense. I went for a run, explored the farmer’s market, watched my kids play at the playground (not just some random kids!), enjoyed a snack at a brewery with the family, folded laundry, and finally sat down around 1 PM, only to feel utterly bored out of my mind. I found myself sinking into the couch, wondering why it’s so impossible to just FEEL at peace. This is what I long for all week! Between my full-time job, drop-off/pick-up schedules, my beloved clients, and all the other things that come with life, I look forward to those weekends with no plans. And yet, here I am, sitting on the couch, annoyed by the silence. I found myself getting a little angry because this is my opportunity to rest, and I won’t allow myself to take full advantage of it!

My first thought is, damn ADHD getting in the way of life. While I haven’t been formally diagnosed, I can see how it plays into this feeling. When you start to see all the signs lining up for a diagnosis and recognize about half of them in your daily life, you begin to accept the fortune in front of you. But that’s neither here nor there. I embrace all parts of myself, especially the one who just wants to put the laundry away but ends up cleaning the ceiling fans, making a sandwich, and filing her nails while doing so. This brings me back to the question: why am I so productive yet so bored? Why, on the outside, am I checking off boxes on my to-do list while inside I’m screaming for some fulfillment?

Then I remembered my girl, Brené Brown. I say “my girl” like she knows me, but the closest I’ve gotten to meeting her was seeing her speak as the keynote at a work conference. It was amazing, and I’m manifesting that one day I will meet her, and she’ll be talking about her girl, Bre (if you all could start manifesting this as well, that’d be great!). Brené has said, “Unused creativity is not benign. It metastasizes.” And this is what’s happening inside me! I’m doing all the things—getting my body to move, doing chores, spending time with family—and yet there’s still something inside me yearning to be nourished. CREATIVITY!

The beauty of creativity is that it’s not one size fits all, and you get to decide what it means to you, moment to moment. I once thought I wasn’t a creative person; I didn’t seem to have the artist gene. This belief held true for me throughout my adolescence and well into adulthood. Then I learned that I get to choose what is creative, and there are no rules with creativity! With no rules comes no notion of perfection. When it comes to creating, all that’s required is the first step. I can paint a masterpiece that looks like absolute garbage to a trained painter, but it’s a work of art because I let that itch for creation out of my body. I can bake a cake that tastes delicious but looks like my four-year-old decorated it, and I can feel joy because that creativity was allowed to shine. I can put pen to paper and jot down all the random thoughts swirling in my mind, feeling proud that I didn’t hold those thoughts inside to further encourage shame and negativity.

This entire rant is not meant to discourage allowing your body and mind to rest. I'm a huge fan of rest and truly believe we don't do enough of it. In fact, I would say many of the issues we face, from depression to anxiety to lack of self-worth, can be tied to our relationship with rest. What I am proposing here is to do a mind and body check-in. When you have those moments where the outside doesn't match the inside of what you are feeling, check in and see if there is maybe some creativity that wants to be nourished. Maybe you actually know exactly what you want out of your day, but you have been bogged down by a specific notion of productivity. Creating for the pure enjoyment of creating is productive. Nourishing those parts within you that feel childish or immature is healing, and frankly, fun as fuck. Maybe just try it once... just today. Ask yourself, what can I create right now?